Sex Tips
by lithiumxflower
Summary: Join Mu, Murrue, Milly, Dearka, Athrun, Cagalli, Kira, Lacus, Yzak, and a later appearance from Destiny's crew, as they all walk you through a few tips and pointers about sex.
1. Sex and the Letter T

:Lol, well I hope you guys enjoy this one. It will most likely be a chapter story. Inspiration from something my very good friend sent me. It made me laugh…to say the least.

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Sex Tips

Sex tip number one:

---You should have SEX on days that begin with T:

Thanksgiving

Tuesday

Thursday

Today

Tomorrow

We'll go with today.

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:Today…Atha mansion.:**

He eyed her as she walked on by, paperwork that she had no intention of doing in her hand. Today was…well…today, and today, just so happened to begin with T. Doesn't it always?

She didn't notice his stare apparently, and was oblivious to the fact that she was being stalked. She would turn around whenever she thought she saw something, there was nothing there, but whenever she wasn't looking, Athrun would pop out and find a new place to hide when she turned around again. She shrugged it off and continued walking.

She began making her way up the grand staircase, but stopped and abruptly turned around when she heard footsteps from behind her. Once again, nothing there. Athrun quickly made his move when she was turned back around and ran up the stairs. Before she had time to turn around he tackled her to the floor and she fell with an 'OOF!' and her papers fluttered everywhere.

"Athrun, _what_ do you want?"

"Do you know what's special about today, Cagalli?"

"Am I getting married again? Cuz if it's that purple haired madcap with a god complex coming back from the dead to haunt me, so help me god I-

"No, that's not it!"

"Oh, well then, what?"

"Today begins with T."

Cagalli almost laughed out loud and gave him an incredulous look.

"Yeah…_and_?"

"You should have sex on days that begin with T."

She froze, mocking smile rubbing off on to his mouth.

"Oh, you have _got _to be _kidding_ me!"

Athrun grabbed her and dragged her into their bedroom, still shocked out of her mind. As the door closed behind the two, it got all quiet and Cagalli suddenly spoke.

"Hey Athrun?"

"Yes?"

"…Today can be used on any day, and today _always_ begins with a T."

"…Exactly."

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---Top 10 Places to have sex:

Location number one:

**  
****In your parents bed.**

Milly and Dearka were getting a bit on the intimate side tonight, or at least trying to. Here's the problem:

"Dearka, I hate my bed, let's go do it somewhere else."

"Like where, it's not like your parents are out of town in Bermuda for 2 weeks or anything," He said idiotically.

"Dearka you idiot! They _are_ out of town in Bermuda for 2 weeks!"

"Alright!" Dearka pumped a fist into the air and excitement. "So, where to?"

"Let's do it in my parents' bed!"

"Hell yeah!"

They both scampered off into Milly's parents' room. All was well, until there was a crash.

"DEARKA!"

Inside the room, was a smashed vase from Italy. Dearka had knocked it off while switching positions.

"I'm sorry, it wasn't my fault!"

"Yes it was! I told you my leg didn't bend that way!"

"Yeah, _after_ it smashed into your parents' treasured vase!"

"You know what, forget it, I'll just kill you and tell my parents a burglar broke in!" She picked up the sheet and wrapped it around his neck and attempted to choke him with it. They rolled around on the bed as Dearka tried to free himself. Milly pushed down on him and he'd push back up. The started bouncing, making it look like they were doing something far more inappropriate then what they were actually doing…if trying to kill some one was more appropriate than sex. Sometime during that time, Cagalli, Athrun, Kira, Lacus, Yzak, and Shiho stopped in for the party they were having, the party that Dearka and Milly weren't ready for yet. Mu and Murrue would also be dropping in…as soon as they were done in the car, that is.

Cagalli and Athrun began searching for their lost friends.

"Hey, Milly, parties here!" Cagalli called, and then heard noises coming from the main bedroom. They sounded, sexual.

Behind the door, Milly was well on her way to trying to kill Dearka.

"Milly…are you…out of your…fucking mind!" he said quietly.

"Baby, I'm just getting started!"

That was when Cagalli tuned in from right outside the door, unknown to Milly and Dearka, unfortunately.

"Milly, you're gonna kill me if you keep going like that!"

"Maybe you wouldn't have to worry so much if you didn't break it!"

"It's not my fault I broke it! Maybe if you weren't so crazy it wouldn't have!"

"Oh, so now it's my fault that I can't move in that position!

Cagalli was stifling her laughter from behind the door when Athrun came up behind her; followed by the rest, save for Mu and Murrue, who we will be getting too shortly.

"What's up?" Athrun asked in a whisper.

"Listen to this, they're really getting into it in there,"

"Dearka I swear to god, if you keep moving around like that I'm gonna scream!"

"Go ahead maybe it will make this end quicker and painlessly!"

"Fine, then I will…after I kill you!" She tightened the sheet she had around his neck and they began bouncing again as Dearka tried to free himself.

"You're gonna have to try harder than that, Milly,"

"How much harder?"

"Harder,"

"Like this?"

"Harder!"

"Hard like this?"

"HARDER!"

"I AM!"

"Ouch, ok, that's hard enough," She was damn near strangling Dearka.

"Now, maybe you could move yourself down a little more, and start that bouncing thing over again…" Milly gave him a glare that shut his mouth.

Dearka than deiced to just screw it and flipped her over, much to her surprise, and pulled the sheet off of his neck and tied her hands to the bedposts.

"YOU THINK IT'S FUNNY NOW!"

Just as Milly was about to let lose a horrendous scream, the door busted open, freezing the two on the bed.

"Oh, this is just TOO good!"

Milly then screamed…louder than she ever did before in her life.

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---Top 10 Places to have sex:

Location number two:

**In a car**

**:Outside of Milly's house, Mu and Murrue's car:**

Well, I'm sure we all know what's going on by now in the car, so we'll just get right to the point. Inside the rocking car and through the steamy windows, were Mu and Murrue, as we all know. After getting to Milly's house, the two lovers decided to take a shot of one of the many bottles of vodka and such they brought a long. As a result, somehow, between the alcohol and the attempts to get out of the car, they lost their clothes. Mu pulled her into the back seat where they initiated in a bit of sexual activities.

About 3 minutes later, they were lying there, in the back seat of their car, in Milly's driveway. What a way to have sex for the first time in two years. That was when Mu decided to open his mouth, but, the wrong words came out.

Top three things NOT to say after having sex

Number one:

"**Was that _it_?"**

Murrue jerked herself up and looked him square in the eyes.

"You asshole! I just had sex with you in a car in Milly's driveway for God's sake! And that's _all_ you have to say?"

"N-n-NO! What I meant by that was, was that it, or do you wanna do it again?"

Next thing he knew her fist was reeled back and then slammed right back in to his face.

She pulled her clothes on hastily and slammed the car door shut to head into Milly's. He pulled his clothes on as well and sat in the driver's seat. He put his hands on the steering wheel and banged his head off of it violently.

"STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!"

He eventually stopped and looked out the window.

"God, I am _such_ an _idiot_!"

He sighed and decided to get out of the car and head into Milly's house, trying not to think of what Murrue was about to do to him. Once he reached the front door, he could hear the screaming and slamming. He opened the door slowly to see Milly and Dearka chasing each other around clad in only towels. He was about to dive into the mess when Milly picked up a very heavy looking vase and tossed it…and missed her original target. Instead she hit Mu square in the head, and he fell over with a thud, on the ground. But before he passed out, he had just a few choice words.

"I'm ok…"

"Oops…"

"Way to go, Miriallia," Dearka mocked while gaping at Mu on the ground unconscious.

"Shut up, Dearka!"

"He deserved it," Murrue spoke.

"Well that sucks," Cagalli laughed.

"Yeah…it really does," Athrun agreed.

"Dude, that was awesome!" Yzak shouted.

"I think you killed him," Kira voiced his opinion.

They all froze.

"Oh boy,"

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:Hehe, well I hope this wasn't too out of line. And I hope it was maybe just slightly on the amusing side. There will be more if you guys enjoyed it xD


	2. Sex is like Nike, Just Do It

:Gapes: Wow! You guys really enjoyed this didn't you! I went on and checked to see Seigi's update and then I saw my story and I was like "9 reviews, wow!" Lol, so, I brought you all chapter two. Hope you guys enjoy this one as much as you enjoyed the last xD

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"Mu…Muuuuu?" Milly nudged the unconscious man that they dragged into the middle of the main room.

"I don't think he can hear you," Dearka pointed out as he poked Mu in the face.

"Well then, how the hell do we wake him up?" Milly countered.

In an answer to her question, Murrue stormed into the room from the kitchen where everyone else is. She marched straight over to her boyfriend and glared down at him. She then pulled her foot back and kicked him right in the ribs.

"OUCH!"

"Mu, you idiot! First you insult me in the car and now you almost die…AGAIN!"

"Sorry…hey, hun?"

"What?"

"Can you get your foot out of my ribcage?" She moved her foot.

"Thank you,"

"Sooo…now what?" Milly asked as she sat on the couch.

"I guess…we party?" Dearka suggested.

There was a pause.

"I'll go get the alcohol," Murrue responded as she dashed off to the car.

---Top ten places not to have sex

Number one:

**In front of all of your friends**

By the time Murrue came back in, things went down, that she could have lived without seeing. There were Milly and Dearka, with absolutely no clothes on, banging on the couch. Wasn't that a shitty idea? And poor Mu is sitting there on the floor rocking back and forth sucking on his thumb.

"This just isn't your day is it, babe?" He shook his head furiously as she walked over and pulled him into the kitchen.

"So…many…naked…people…" He muttered as she sat him in a chair.

"Deeps breaths Mu, deep breaths,"

She then heard a crash.

"DEARKA, YOU A-HOLE! WHO HAS SEX ON A COUCH IN FRONT OF THEIR FRIENDS!" Yzak flamed Dearka's ass for that one.

"It's not like it was my idea!" Dearka yelled back.

"Why is everything my fault, god dammit!" Milly retorted defensively.

"SHUT UP!" Dearka and Yzak yelled at the same time.

"BITE ME!"

Milly grabbed her towel from before and wrapped it around her and stormed up the stairs to get dressed.

Dearka and Yzak watched her until the door slammed.

"Idiot, now look what you made me do!"

"What _I_ made you do!"

"Yes you!"

Yzak picked up a leaf shaped candle holder fit for 5 huge candles and held it over Dearka's head.

"YES _bang _YOU!" _bang._

"And why _bang_ is that!" _bang_.

"Because you just ruined my chances of getting f-" _bang!_

"You stupid piece of sh-" _bang!_

And that was how Dearka got so goddam stupid.

**Sex is like Nike.**

:After 2 shots of vodka:

"Hey guys…you wanna talk about sex?" Milly asked idiotically while swaying ever so slightly.

They all nodded.

"I think sex…should be like…a religion. That way you can live it, love it…be it…" Athrun started off.

"That was lame…I think sex should be like…a law. You must have sex at least 3 times a day," Yzak topped off Athrun's thought.

"Sex…should have its own advertisement on T.V. That way…everyone can enjoy it," Lacus stated dumbly.

"I think…that sex is god. Everyone loves it…and everyone thinks it's awesome," Mu replied.

"Sex…" Kira began. "is sex…end of story,"

"I think sex…is ungodly…and damn sexy when you do it with Mu" Murrue spoke slyly.

Everyone then turned to Milly.

"…Sex is like Nike…just do it,"

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:Short one…more tomorrow xD 


	3. Gotta Cigarette?

:Lol, you guys are amazing. I put out a fanfic about sex and look at everyone. Haha, that's so funny. So, anyway, as I promised, more for today, and lots more for tomorrow when I have off. Party tonight. Lol. Here goes.

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---Top 3 things to say after sex:**

Number one: _This is the part where Mu starts taking notes._

:After 4 shots of Vodka:

"99 bottles of vodka on the wall, 99 bottles of vodka, take one down pass it around 98 bottles of vodka on the wall,"

Everyone in the house was singing, and dancing, except for two people.

Yzak and Shiho.

Yzak and Shiho were in Milly's room at the moment. Guess what they are doing. If you answer is sex then yes you win, just because this fic is based off of the 3 letters in the alphabet that were probably better off not touching.

They thought maybe they should care about Milly or one of the others walked in, but then it came down to:

"We're all drunk, who gives a flying rat's ass?"

So they went on and did it in Milly's bed…and on Milly's dresser…and her computer chair…

They are so dead.

:Back in the living room:

"64 bottles of vodka on the wall, 64 bottles of vodka, take on down pass it around 63 bottles of vodka on the wall,"

:Kira and Lacus, whop have wandered away from the rest:

Kira was in the process of heating things up with Lacus…on Milly's dining room table. You can see where this is going, right? Lacus giggled as he kissed her up and down and all around.

"Ooh, Kira, do you do this often?"

He looked up her slyly.

"You know…I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I sure know how to make your bed rock,"

"Ooh baby,"

:Living room:

"32 bottles of vodka on the wall, 32 bottles of vodka, take one down, pass it around, 31 bottles of vodka on the wall,"

:Milly's bedroom:

Yzak and Shiho…well…you know what's going on. Little to their knowledge, Mu and Murrue were working their way down the hallway, and the first door they could get to, was Milly's room. Mu grabbed the doorknob and twisted it to get in, it was open.

Yzak and Shiho froze.

"Someone's coming, quick, get under the bed!"

Yzak pulled Shiho off the bed and underneath it with him.

Mu and Murrue made it in and were now on the bed, making out, and taking off clothes. Yzak and Shiho were now practically crying under the bed once Mu and Murrue got it on.

"Two former superior officers and I'm listening to them have sex from underneath their bed!" He whispered hoarsely, trying not to be noticed.

"So I guess we're done having sex for now?"

"Yep," Yzak replied.

Silence…well, for the most part anyway.

"Gotta cigarette?"

:Dining room:

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---Top 3 things to say after sex:  
**

Number two:

Lacus and Kira were done, and were positive that Milly wasn't going to be a happy camper once she saw this.

"That was a bad idea,"

"Yeah, it was…

"Wanna do it again?"

:Living Room:

"13 bottles of vodka on the wall, 13 bottles of vodka, take one down, pass it around, 12 bottles of vodka on the wall,"

:Milly's room:

Mu and Murrue were now ready to get back to the vodka, when they suddenly heard noises and felt fidgeting under the bed. They both looked at each other and nodded. The leaned over the bed slowly and then once they were lowered, they pulled back the covers.

Yzak and Shiho gasped when they saw them. They all stared at each other for a good minutes or so, then, all at once, the four took a deep breathe and…

"AHHHH!" Yzak and Shiho screamed.

"AHHHH!" Mu and Murrue screamed.

They all stopped and looked at each other. And then at the same time:

"AHHHHH!"

"1 bottle of vodka on the wall, one bottle of vodak, take it down, pass it around, no more bottles of vodka on the wall,"

"Bummer..."

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:More for you guys tomorrow xD Maybe even later tonight ;) 


	4. What is this an Orgy!

:Haha, well here's chapter 4 guys! Glad you're enjoying this xD:

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Top 10 places NOT to have SEX 

Number two:

**In your best friend's bed **(This has happened on two occasions already, but this time there's a twist)

:After 6 shots of vodka:

After singing for about 2 straight hours, Athrun and Cagalli got bored…REAL board. And of course you all know what happens when drunk people that are sexually active get bored. So, they took the path that two others went down, and for some reason, they never came back out?

:Milly's bedroom:

Currently, there were four people hiding underneath the bed. Yzak, Shiho, Murrue, and Mu. After their little encounter, they all took refuge under the bed…which was a bad idea. As soon as things calmed down and Mu stopped sucking his thumb for the second time that night, Cagalli and Athrun came crashing through the door. They all froze like deer in headlights, and Mu started sucking his thumb all over again.

"No more naked people, no more naked people, no more naked people…"

Murrue sighed and rubbed his back. "He's gonna need a therapist after all this is finished,"

"We ALL are," Yzak corrected.

"Shh," Shiho quieted him.

"They're starting,"

Up on top of the bed they could here the two wrestling each others clothes off. Then they started…well…you know.

"Oh my god, what kind of sex are they having up there?" Murrue asked incredulously at the noises emitting from the two teens.

"Murrue, you shouldknow by nowhow kinky you are when we do it, it's far more interesting than that," There was then a pause and a loud animal like cry. Mu's eyes widened. "I stand, or in this case, crouch corrected,"

"So, this is a nice party, huh, here we all are, naked under a bed that Athrun and Cagalli are fucking on. Good night, good night," Yzak pointed out.

"Yeah, real good night,"

Quiet.

"Baby, is that all you got?" They heard Cagalli speak from above.

"Oh, I'm just getting started!"

"Ooh!"

Then the bed started bouncing 10 times as violently as it did before. Sucks for the people underneath it.

"This...really…sucks…ouch!" Yzak tried talking but it didn't go over to well with all the bouncing.

"True…that…" Shiho replied.

Then the noises and the bouncing and the kinkiness and the moaning and whatever the hell else they were doing up there came in full force all at once.

Patience was not an object underneath the bed.

"THAT'S IT! I'M FREAKIN OUT!"

Yzak jumped from under the bed with the rest in tow. They totally forgot they were naked.

"You guys want to stop all the freaking bouncing up here!"

Athrun and Cagalli froze and looked at him.

"OH MY GOD!" WHAT ARE ALL YOU PEOPLE DOING IN HERE!" Cagalli screamed as she separated herself from Athrun and wrapped the sheet around her leaving Athrun with nothing.

"Hey!"

"Tough luck, this is your fault anyway!"

"What, my fault!"

"Yes you!"

Yzak watched as they argued and then thought of something.

"You know what; this is all _your_ fault!" He pointed to Mu and Murrue.

"What, us! _You're_ the ones who hid under the bed!" Murrue retorted angrily.

"_You're _the ones who wanted to have sex in Milly's bed!"

"_You_ started it!" Mu jumped in.

"Well _they _finished it!" Shiho pointed to the fighting couple on the bed.

They all burst out into loud arguing pointing accusations at each other. Random bits and pieces could be made out from different people.

"Yzak I hate you!"

"Well, it's not my fault Mu's so goddam sexy!"

"Athrun, you are never gonna live this beating down!"

"Well I'm sorry you hate me but this _is _your fault.

"Murrue was too hott to resist any longer!"

"Cagalli you're gonna kill me!"

Then, the door slammed open forcefully, taking it off its hinges. Milly bursted through the open door way and then froze. He eyes traveled across everyone in there, not _one_ of them had clothes on…not one. And to make matters worse, they were in extremely awkward positions. Cagalli and Athrun were wresting the crap put of each other on the bed, so that position was off the charts. Yzak was trying to strangle Shiho on the ground, so he was kind of straddling her. And Mu and Murrue…well…Mu and Murrue we on the ground in much of same situation as Yzak and Shiho, until Milly walked in, Mu jumped up since he was on bottom and ending up locking lips with Murrue…it was all downhill from there.

"What, is this, likea fecking orgy in here!"

They all stopped and looked at each other. They looked back to Milly and nodded.

"…Okay," Milly shrugged her shoulders and was gone.

From there on out it became an orgy.

Out in the living room, the same situation had turned up. This was no longer a party; it was a full fledged sex fest. The door bell then rang, and when no one cameto answerit,the whole group let themselves in.

It was none other than Captain Glady's and her crew of idiots.

"Oh…my…fucking…god…"

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:Hehe ;) More later xD 


	5. Let's Get Ready to RUMBLE!

:Lol, chapter 5!

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---Top three things to say before having sex:**

Number one:

**:Destiny crew, Milly's living room, 11:28 pm:**

"Holly hell, what _is_ this, a strip bar!" Shinn cried out as he caught sight of what was going on.

"Cover your eyes, Shinn, it'll corrupt you forever!" Luna quickly covered his eyes with her palm.

"My eyes, my virgin eyes!" Rey clambered around the room with his eyes shut until he tripped over Milly and Dearka…oops.

The rest of the former crew stood idly by, watching the chaos, we'll call it. Captain Glady's sidestepped out of the way to go and find the other Captain…hoping that maybe she could help her out as to just what the hell was going on.

She walked down the hallway to the room where she heard banging noises emitting from.

'_Maybe she's disciplining the others that are having sex everywhere?'_

She felt like that was wishful thinking…and what lie beyond the door she had her hand on, would probably confirm that.

She shoved open the door and then her jaw dropped. The sight inside the bedroom wasn't any different from the situation in the living room, except maybe a bit more…kinky?

She was about to back out when Gilbert came up behind her.

"Something the matter Tal…ia…" He caught the sight that she was seeing.

She then had a thought as she turned around to face him and looked into his eyes and said seriously.

"Let's get ready to RUMBLE!"

**:Back in the living room:**

Things had calmed down a bit and everyone put their clothes back on, fortunately for Shinn, who was about to break down and need counseling again.

"Sooo, I see you guys are enjoying this…well…what is this exactly?" Luna sparked up a conversation, trying to figure out how all of this happened.

"Well, some have been calling it a sex fest, others a bang gang, or just plain doin the nasty. Doesn't really matter to me, as long as it doesn't get out to the public.

Every single one of the Minerva crew members smacked on a sinister grin, getting the same idea.

**:In the living room including the ones from Milly's bedroom 15 minutes later:**

"Captain Glady's…" Luna asked suspiciously.

"…Y-yes?"

"What were you doing back there with Gilbert?"

"…Nothing,"

"Chea…ok…I'll believe that on the day Gilbert isn't out of his mind, the day Shinn stops hating Kira Yamato, and the day you two stop hooking up and breaking up for good,"

Talia stared in disbelief as her jaw dropped for the second time that night.

"That's what I thought,"

**:After 8 shots of vodka for the SEED crew…and 2 for Destiny:**

"Anybody wanna play naked twister?" Milly shouted with the game in her hands.

"…Do we have to get naked?" Yzak asked.

"That's the point,"

"Ok then…no,"

"Sour pus,"

"Anybody else?" They all looked at her like she was speaking a different language.

"OK, if you wanna play…raise your hand,"

"Play what?" Mu asked dumbly.

Milly face palmed, then Dearka stepped in.

"OK, if you're wearing shoes…raise your hand,"

They all raised an arm up in the air.

"…Idiots," Dearka stalked off to help Milly with the game.

**:Round one, naked Twister: Mu Vs. Murrue:**

"Ok, the first person to fall loses an article of clothing. You lose entirely when you have absolutely no clothes on. Once we're all unfortunately naked, we play again naked, and the winners get to put clothing back on. Everyone understand this time?" Dearka explained, looking around at the faces in the room.

All at once they nodded slowly, finally understanding the concept of the game.

"Ok, first victims, Mu and Murrue,"

"What, why us!" Murrue jumped up in her outburst.

"…Because you can?"

"…Oh…ok,"

They both stood on opposite ends waiting for Dearka to spin.

"Right hand yellow,"

The both easily followed.

"Left foot blue,"

"Right foot orange,"

They both froze on the spot and looked up at him.

"Huh?"

"Just kidding!"

**:10 minutes later:**

"Murrue, I can't breathe!" Mu's face was currently shoved into Murrue's chest. He was basically being smothered.

"Well I can't help that I'm pinned underneath you!"

"Well…there's nothing I can do about it,"

"You wanna make a bet?"

Before Mu could answer, Murrue brought her foot back, and kicked him as hard as she coul d in her position…right between the legs.

"Owie," He fell off to the side and landed on his back.

Murrue stood up and brushed herself off.

It was silent.

"Well?" She demanded, causing all of the males in the room to jump.

"Crazy psycho Captain bitch, one…Ball-less out of commission Mobile Suit pilot…zip," He looked at him a little longer.

"Man…he won't be walking for days. Are you sure that was necessary?" Dearka questioned Murrue.

The brunette whipped her head to the side to look at him, hair flying in front of her face.

"You want an answer to that?"

"Yeah…WAIT, I MEAN HELL NO!"

"Good answer,"

"Ouch…"

"Shut up, Mu!"

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Lol, well…that's what happens when Mu gets to close to Murrue's…well…you know…Next victims…Athrun and Meyrin…oh this'll make Cagalli happy xD 


	6. Quick, Everyone Jump Out a Window!

Dances: Here we go again xD You guys ready for round 6?**

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:Naked Twister, round 2. Athrun and Meyrin:**

**:After 10 shots of vodka for SEED, and 4 for Destiny:**

"Ok, next victims…can I get a drum roll please?"

Everyone in the room began to pound on something.

"And…STOP! The next victims are…Athrun…and Meyrin,"

"Dot…dot…DOT!" Kira spoke slowly from his happy placeacross the room.

"What?" Cagalli spoke lowly from next to Kira, whom she smacked for his unwanted comment.

"Can you not hear woman? I said ATHRUN and MEYRIN. Would you like me to…NO NOT THE BALLS NOT THE BALLS!" Cagalli was now 5 inches away from his face and poised for a ball tap.

"If you want to keep your precious twins…then I advise you switch those names,"

"I-I can't! It-it was all Yzak's fault!"

"YZAK!"

"No, that's my pizza!"

Cagalli put her rampage on hold for a second.

"What?"

Yzak was currently sleeping on the floor drooling from his dream.

Cagalli looked over to Dearka with narrowed eyes.

"Yzak, huh?"

"…Crap,"

He wasn't going to be fathering any children for a long LONG time.

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Athrun and Meyrin were now standing on opposite sides of each other.

"Athrun, if my sister has to get naked because of you, I'll slit your throat!" Luna yelled out from the sidelines, being held back by Shinn.

Athrun looked at Meyrin nervously. She just shrugged.

"She's serious…you might wanna watch out for that one,"

"Yeah, great, now I have two girls that want me dead in the most brutal of ways.

"Word,"

**:10 minutes later:**

Meyrin was on top of Athrun, straddling him, while Athrun had his hand right in between her legs to get to the little green circle on the other side. Cagalli and Luna had to be knocked out, gagged, and bound to the sofa. They didn't decide what they would do when the two woke up, they might have to run…really uberly fast.

"Guys…I think their waking up," Mu called out to the group, since he was the one sitting closest to Luna and Cagalli.

"Quick, everyone jump out a window!" Kira yelled from the other side of the room.

"And that will do...what?" Murrue answered back hotly.

"Put us out of out misery in a much less painful way then their gonna do it...crazy psycho captain bitch," He said the last part very quietly...hoping she wouldn't hear.

"True…very true…what was that last part?"

"I thin ki'm gonna go make a sandwich!" Kira skipped off to the kitchen.

"You better come out of that kitchen with a sandwich mister!"

"You better come out with a sadwich mister!" He mocked formthe kitchen.

"Oh, that's it," Murrue bolted for the kitchen, much to Mu's surprise.

"Happy thought's Murrue, DON'T KILL KIRA!"

"AHHH, MURRUE, NO! NOT THE KNIFE, NOT THE KNIFE!"

There was then alot of crashing and pounding...that went on for a pretty long time. Then silence.

"My coordinator senses are tingling,"

Murrue hit him over the head with the frying pan in her hand.

"Idiot, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You're so violent tonight Murrue," Mu commented.

"You wanna be next!"

"NO, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD NOT AGAIN!"

She sighed.

"So, what's tingling again?"

"Cagalli and Luna are awake! AHHH!" He tried to book through the patio door window, but Murrue stopped him.

"Let's go spiderman, things are about to get ugly in there,"

"We're all gonna die!" Kira sobbed as Murrue dragged him back into the chaotic living room.

"Hurry, cover Athrun and Meyrin up before they see them like that!" Talia yelled searching for a blanket so Cagallia and Luna didn't lsoe their minds.

"Yeah, they'll never notice," Dearka answered, still in the position he was in when Cagalli kicked him off of his chair.

"Do you wanna lose something else that's precious to you?" She hissed at him.

"No, not Mr. Snuggles!"

Her jaw dropped for the third time tonight.

"Jesus all mighty help us all," She muttered and plopped down on the couch, forgetting what she was trying to do before.

"Can't we just move?" Athrun spoke from under Meyrin.

"Shut up!" Talia yelled shutting his mouth.

"Geez, you're almost as bad as Captain Ramius," Another shut up from Talia and he was done talking for the time being.

"Guys, their awake!"

"AHHH!" Gilbert screamed…like a total chick. Talia laughed at him.

"I scream like more of a man than you- AHHH!" The girls got lose.

"YOU KNOW WHAT, ATHRUN? WHY DON'T YOU JUST BANG THE GIRL SEEING YOUR HANDS ALREADY UP HER CROTCH!" Luna screamed as loud as she could as she grabbed his collar.

"Listen here bitch, that boy," She pointed to Athrun"He's MINE!" Cagalli grabbed Meyrin and pulled her up.

Then Cagalli and Luna saw each other.

"Hey, let him go!"

"Then why don't you get your hands off my sister!"

Then it turned into a humungous wrestling match. Meyrin and Athrun included.

"Well you know what Luna? Maybe I WANT to be with Athrun, ever think of that!"

"Ever think of how if would feel to have my foot shoved so far up your ass you'll never walk again!"

"YOU WON'T!" Se retaliated.

"I WILL!"

And they began round one of their wrestling match. Dearka then regained composure to play referee.

"ROUND ONE, CAGALLI VS. MEYRIN! Ooh, that one looked like it hurt,"

Luna and Athrun stopped yelling and watched the two on the floor. They then looked at each other and then back at the pair.

"YEAH GO MEYRIN, YOU RIP THAT BLONDE BITCH A NEW ONE!"

"CAGALLI IF YOU LOSE I'LL KICK YOUR ASS AND NEVER SLEEP WITH YOU AGAIN!"

And that's how the spend the next 30 minutes. This was going to be the longest night of all of their lives.

"Mhhmmm, boy do I love my pizza,"

* * *

I'm having so much fun with this xD ;) More later for you guys! Thanks for allthe reviews, by the way! Next Victims...Kira and Lacus :P 


	7. You're not Mu!

:Round 7 o.O xD

**

* * *

:Out of vodka, straight to the Tequila:**

**:2 shots of Tequila for everyone:**

"Ok, well, that was kind of crazy," Athrun said while sitting on the floor.

"Kind of?" Meyrin questioned. "I have 4 teeth marks on various places of my body, and you call that kind of?"

"Ok, fine, that was completely, utterly, 100 off the freaking charts,"

"Much better,"

"So…" Murrue spoke from the couch nestled next to Mu; she seemed to be happier now that she beat the hell out of Kira. "Now what?"

"Well, I guess we keep playing?" Luna responded from the floor next to her sister.

"Playing what?"

Luna looked thoughtful. "I don't know…"

"Naked Twister idiots," Dearka called from the floor.

Cagalli stood up. "Now was that idiot comment on the end really necessary?"

"…No,"

"Ok, good, so don't say it again,"

**:Naked Twister…but not before Kira gets plastered, 1:32 am:**

"Does anyone else notice the draft in here?" Mu asked unhappily, snuggled up to Murrue with out his shirt on.

"No, it's just your imagination…or your inability to play twister," Murrue replied with a smirk.

"Hey, _you_ were the one who kicked me and made me lose,"

Murrue simply shrugged. "You deserved it,"

"…fine,"

"Do we have to?" Kira whined from his spot on the twister mat.

"Why are you asking questions? You're apparently not drunk enough for this yet. Murrue, where's the bottle of tequila?" Cagalli asked the former Captain.

"Uhm, hold on one second,"

Murrue leaned over the side of the sofa and rummaged around through a bag. She then produced a bottle of 100 proof tequila.

"Who's this for?"

"Kira,"

"Ok," Murrue popped the seal off and opened the bottle. "Kira, can you come here for a second?" She asked sweetly.

"Are you gonna kick my ass again?"

"No, but I am gonna get you super drunk,"

"SWEET!"

So, now it's Kira Murrue and Mu sitting on the couch with a huge bottle of tequila…oh the possibilities.

"Alright Kira, I have no clue what happened to our shot glasses so we're just gonna improvise," Murrue picked up a plastic blue cup from the coffee table and poured it halfway with tequila.

"The games called endurance, if you can't take anymore, you have to take a shot of the 250 proof moonshine I brought with me,"

"What are you doing, trying to kill us woman?"

"Don't make me regret having that illegally imported over from Mexico,"

"…No comment,"

"Alright, Kira, you first," Mu spoke up, finally getting over his cold phase.

"Hokay," Kira picked up the cup and chugged like there's no tomorrow.

Mu was shocked. "Have you been practicing with Murrue lately?"

"Shhh, that's not supposed to get out!" Murrue hushed him before everyone heard.

"…"

"You're turn Murrue," Kira poured her a full cup, just to be an ass.

"What, you think I can't handle a whole cup?"

"Oh. No, I _know_ you can handle a whole cup, I just wanna see you plastered and remember it,"

Murrue then kicked back the whole thing.

**:5 cups later:**

"Wow, Kira, my legs really hurt!" Murrue said out of nowhere.

"Yeah, the sky really is _so_ blue!" He answered back.

"Hey, Kira?" Cagalli called out from her perch on the floor?'

"What's up, Cagsi?"

"Ok, one, you're in the wrong conversation…and two, what did you just call me?"

"I don't know," He answered, swaying back and forth.

"Guys, we gotta hurry up!" Mu called out to everyone.

"For what, Mu, why do we have to hurry?" Milly asked from across the room next to Dearka.

"Because I'm gonna die soon, we have to hurry before I die!"

Everyone burst out in a fit of laughter all at once.

"You're not dying, Mu," Talia reassured him.

"Yes, I am!"

"Ok…fine…you're dying,"

"I am! Holy shit, what am I gonna do!" Mu got up and ran around the house screaming obscene things at everyone.

After about 5 minutes Mu calmed down, but things are about to get very VERY crazy. Suddenly, the lights went out. There was no power whatsoever in the house.

"Sorry!" They heard Shinn cry form down the hallway.

"Oh I am gonna kick that kids ass!" Athrun rampaged on down the hallway.

"Where's my sister? She better not be part of this!" Meyrin bolted after Athrun.

They then heard noises down the hallway.

"AHH! I didn't mean to I swear!"

"You idiots hit the main power switch!" Meyrin fumed

"Gee wonder how that happened!" Athrun yelled.

There were then various crashing noises and screams, then, total silence.

"Ok, that was weird, who wants some tequila?" Rey popped up out of nowhere and poured them all a shot.

"Hey, Mu, it's dark, let's make out!" Murrue suggested, but Mu was too drunk to hear.

She grabbed his face and smashed her lips against his.

10 minutes later, the lights went back on.

Murrue and 'Mu' stopped making out and went to look at each other and suddenly froze. Mu wasn't actually Mu, it was…

"Y-you're not Mu," Murrue stuttered.

"And…you-you're not Lacus,"

Murrue and Kira looked at each other and opened their mouths wide.

"AHHHHHH!"

* * *

:Don't you just hate it when you make out with the wrong person? xD Just kidding ;) 


	8. Kira, What the Hell Did We Just Do?

:Chapter 8 ;) If I remember correctly, we left off at Murrue and Kira's, coughdilemmacough. xD

* * *

"OH MY GOD, KIRA, WHAT THE HELL DID WE JUST DO!" 

"I DON'T KNOW!"

"How could you do this to me Kira, I thought what we had was love!" Lacus was, by now, balling her eyes out.

"Murrue, after all we've been through!"

"N-no, I can explain!" Murrue stuttered for words.

"I thought Kira was you, and he thought I was Lacus!"

"Oh, what, so now I look and talk and TASTE like an 18 year old!"

"No, it's not that at all, it was dark!"

"So that's your excuse!"

"YES!"

"Ok,"

"Huh?" Murrue was dumbstruck.

"I said ok, but…you have to make it up to me later,"

She smiled slyly.

"If you insist,"

"HOW CAN YOU TAKE THIS SO LIGHTLY!" Kira was still losing it, who wouldn't be?

"Calm down Kira, it's not that big of a deal," Murrue assured.

"Not that big of a deal, are you serious? I just rammed my tongue halfway down my former captain's throat, and you tell me it's NOT THAT BIG OF A DEAL!"

"…Oh my god," Murrue came to realization.

"OH MY GOD!"

"Murrue, do you realize what this means?"

"No,"

"Me either,"

"…You know, your almost as good as Mu, and believe me, that is quite the compliment,"

"…I have to agree, that if I didn't love Lacus to death, I'd might consider accepting older women into my life,"

"But seriously, that was the weirdest make out session I have ever had, I had no idea that I could…use my tongue like that,"

Mu heard that and looked up at her.

"You…wanna take that tongue for another run?"

Murrue looked at him.

"You bet I do,"

They were about to go back to Milly's bedroom, until someone stopped them.

"Not so fast," Murrue froze. It was Lacus, a very VERY angry lacus.

"You just made out with my boyfriend, and now you think I'm gonna let you walk away to go make out with yours!"

"Murrue…RUN!" Mu tried to push her out of the way, but Lacus was too fast.

Before anyone knew what was going on, Lacus pounced on Murrue and tackled her straight to the floor.

"You broad, I can't believe you would do that!" Lacus took a palm and hit Murrue in the face with it.

Everyone was speechless.

"You dumb bitch, I fucking hate you! Don't you DARE try to ruin my life with Kira. You fucking slut, you have a sexy boyfriend, so go MAKE THE FUCK OUT WITH HIM!" Lacus continued to bitch slap Murrue, much to her displeasure.

Mu was staring with his mouth hanging open. Everyone stood with their mouths hanging open. Can she do that; is Lacus Clyne allowed tot talk like Yzak?

"Lacus, if you kill Murrue I will make no hesitation to kill you…hey...that rhymed!"

"MU!" Murrue yelled from the floor, now getting strangled.

"Oh, right, focus, sorry,"

Mu then kicked Lacus, causing her to stop beating Murrue up. The tables then turned and Murrue flipped Lacus over and punched her.

"Oh boy," Milly face palmed.

"It's about to be a what? GIRL FIGHT!" Dearka sang, earning a death glare from Milly.

"Don't encourage them!"

"Why not?"

"Because their drunk, who _knows_ what they'll do to each other,"

"You stupid little candy ass! You think you can slap _me_ and get away with it!" Murrue was furiously beating on Lacus by now.

Kira was just standing by and watching, he had no idea what was going on anymore, poor guy.

"That's right Murrue, show that little pansy who's boss!" Mu yelled from the sidelines.

Murrue put Lacus in a head lock and pinned her to the floor. Dearka fell on the floor next to them.

"1, 2, 3, and she's pinned! Crazy psycho captain bitch 2, Stupid little candy ass, 0! Booya!"

"Dearka!" Murrue pounced on Dearka then, she was clearly off her rocker.

"Murrue!" Talia tried to pull her off, but only got pulled into the mess.

Now we have Murrue, Dearka, and Talia wrestling the hell out of each other on the floor. Dearka was ruled out after Murrue smashed his face against the table and Talia gave him the biggest wedgie of the century. They then stopped to laugh at their work. They called it a truce, shook hands on it and sat back down again.

"…well, that was a way to…wrestle," Milly stated cautiously.

Lacus was fuming and formulating a plan. She then hit gold and spoke up, acid in every aspect of her idea.

"You know what _Captain Ramius_, if you can play dirty, than so can I!"

Lacus ran over to Mu, grabbed his face, and smashed her lips right into his. Murrue's jaw dropped, and so did Mu's. Mu stood their stunned for a while, and then, he grabbed Lacus by the wrist, picked her up, and flung her over his shoulder and onto the coffee table next to Dearka. He then looked over to Murrue. She had tears in her eyes and she whimpered slightly.

"Mu,"

"Murrue?"

She ran over to him and…well…gave her tongue that test run he wanted so bad.

"I LOVE YOU!"

He looked pleased, so they fell back onto the couch next to Kira. We'll reinforce a rule again.

**Never have sex in front of _all _of your friends**

Well…they just violated it…oops. Kira's gonna take on Mu's thumb sucking habit, especially when he sees Lacus's head through a coffee table.

* * *

XD The 250 proof bottle of moonshine is coming out in the next chapter ;) 


	9. It's Marijuana Day!

:Well…let's see what I can come up with on this _special_ day. If you don't know what I mean by special…you're about to find out ;)

* * *

"It's marijuana day, it's marijuana day!" Dearka sang from the living room floor. 

Everyone looked at him like he was crazy until they came to realization.

"It _is_ Marijuana day. We started this party on 4/19, but seeing that it's 2:00 in the morning, it's now 4/20," Murrue explained to the room of drunks.

"Murrue," Cagalli looked at her. "Please tell me that you have marijuana on marijuana day,"

"I think I just might Cagalli…Quick, let's go check the car!" They both ran out the door.

So, let's catch up on a few things. Athrun and Meyrin are still down the hallway doing only god wants to know to Shinn and Luna. Dearka, obviously (or in this case unfortunately) recovered from his wedgie from Talia, and was singing about National Pot Day. Lacus's face is still smashed through the coffee table, and Kira still ahs no idea what was going on. Oh, yeah, and Mu and Murrue successfully had sex on the couch…so _that's_ why Kira isn't moving…they shocked the poor kid.

"Hey, what's up with the kid?" Mu asked stupidly, as if he didn't know why.

"Hmm, let's see, it's not like you and Murrue just fucked right next to him on the couch," Talia retorted smartly.

"What's wrong with me and Murrue having sex on the couch!" He shot back offensively.

"Mu…watching you and Murrue have sex, was like a well thought through porno. Except in real life…and…to be honest with you…real life porno's…aren't a lot of fun…unless your part of one,"

Before Mu could retort, he was cut off by more singing. Yzak was now on the floor next to Dearka swaying back and forth singing "It's marijuana day!" It doesn't get much worse than that.

Mu looked back at Talia exasperated. "What were we saying again?"

"…Pft, hell if I remember,"

Murrue and Cagalli then suddenly busted back into the house…with about 100 grams worth of pot. Just where the hell does Murrue get her hands on this shit?

"Whoa…Murrue, were you a drug dealer at one point in your life?" Mu questioned incredulously.

"That is classified information that I am not allowed to state in front of anyone," She replied smartly.

"Alrighty, so basically, we're getting stoner drunk here?" Rey asked, just to confirm things.

"Yes, Rey, that's _exactly_ what we're doing here.

"Ok, everyone come over here and grab a bowl," Murrue instructed while she got her own bowl ready.

**:Down the hallway with Athrun, Luna, Meyrin, and Shinn:**

Shinn and Luna, were currently tied back to back on a chair, gagged and under the watchful eyes of Meyrin and Athrun.

"You know, this wouldn't have been so bad if you _didn't _shut all of the power off, then we wouldn't noticed what was going on back here!" Meyrin flamed them fir about the seventeenth time in the last 10 minutes.

Did I forget to mention that Shinn and Luna were naked? Oh, and also that Meyrin and Athrun both have digital cameras with quite a few pictures of them on it for future blackmail? Well, now you know.

"Come on Meyrin, let's go get the others so they can get some good pictures too," Just as they were about to turn, they smelt something…burning?

"It smells like…

"Pot," Athrun finished.

As soon as they realized what they had said they bolted down the hallway, leaving Shinn and Luna trying to scootch their way over to their discarded clothes so they could the party.

Down the hallway back in the living room, was quite the sight to see, now let me tell 'ya. Everyone, and I mean everyone, was fumbling all over the place in a haze of smoke. Athrun and Meyrin were dumbfounded. Athrun questioned the first person her saw, which was Murrue. He asked the only question on his mind at the time, which was:

"Murrue, where's the pot?"

"Uhmmmm, on the moon,"

"Murrue, focus ok," He held up a finger. "Watch the dancing finger now," He moved his finger left and right to try to get her to focus.

Of course, when he went left, she went right, when he went right she went left, when he went down, she went up, and we he went up, she went down, and boy did she go down. She fell over with a thud right at his feet.

"…Never…mind,"

They then were distracted by even louder singing than the first two times. Remember when I said that it doesn't get much worse than Dearka and Yzak on the floor singing about marijuana day? Well…it does. And I'm not about to draw another line.

So now we have Dearka, Yzak, _and _Rey singing on the floor. The problem here is, that everyone looked about ready to sing, except for Lacus, and Murrue…but I'm sure she'll recover. Talia and Gilbert decided that singing looked fun, so they then joined the trio on the floor. Kira, who still hadn't recovered from his recent shock, was bribed into smoking about 5 bowls then started singing along with Mu. Murrue woke up and picked herself up off the ground and staggered over to Mu, collapsed into him, who collapsed into Kira, who then fell off the couch. Yay for dominoes! But they kept singing anyway.

So, everyone's singing…now what? Athrun then noticed all of the empty plastic bags on the floor.

"Holy Jesus tap dancing on a bar stool! They smoked _all_ of it!" He was in a state of disbelief…and sadness.

Meyrin was about to complain, but then her eye caught something. "I found some!" She ran over and picked up a bag.

There was a 10 written on it in Murrue's handwriting.

"10 grams, niiice," Athrun patted her on the back.

"Alright, let's go smoke this!" She got all exited and picked up two bowls from the floor…and other…basic necessities to smoking that I won't dare mention in a rated T fanfic. Of course I've already exceeded the T rating…but who's gonna tell?

"Wait," He held up his camera. "Let's take blackmail pictures first…_then_ smoke our weed.

"Hell yeah!"

They both ran over to stand in front of the singing group. They readied their cameras and got ready to blackmail.

"We _have_ to video tape this," Meyrin demanded.

"Oh we will, don't worry about that,"

"They are so gonna hate us,"

"Let's do this…Everybody say smoking is bad!" Athrun yelled.

They all stopped for a split second.

"SMOKING IS BAD!"

Then the flash went off. As soon as that was done, the group was back to singing and Athrun and Meyrin were smoking on the deck in the backyard. What a way to start off Marijuana day.

Too bad Lacus has her face through a coffee table…whatta bummer. Oh well.

"It's a MARIJUANA DAY!"

* * *

Lol xD Well…I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter. Next on will be out tomorrow!

P.S. Happy Marijuana Day.

With love,

Dearka


	10. The Crazy Things Murrue Does

:After receiving a review from Zala's Assassin, I realized, "Crap, I forgot about Cagalli in the last chapter." Sorry about that, but I've been thinking, and thinking, _and_ thinking some more, and I've come up with a reasonable excuse for Cagsi's absence. XD You'll find out soon enough where she was. Well, here's chapter 10, oh, by the way, guest stars will be appearing in this chapter. :cackles:

* * *

It took quite a while for the group to stop singing. About 45 minutes of singing "It's a marijuana day!" Is more than enough on my watch, actually. So, now that we got past that little bump in the road, we can move on. Everyone is hungry, _very_ hungry. That could be a problem.

"Hey guys, I think I have the munchies!" Murrue stated giddily from next to Mu on the couch.

"Yeah, me too," Dearka replied as he took another bite of the plant in his hand. Wait, a plant?

"Dearka put my mom's plant down!" Milly slapped him on the arm.

"Well, what else do you want me to eat?"

"Uhm, the food in the…kitchen?"

"There's food in the kitchen!" Hey guys, there's food in the kitchen!" Dearka exclaimed happily.

"What, there is, now way!" Everyone jumped up and ran into the kitchen at the same time, causing a minor build up in the doorway. Did I say minor? Oops, I meant a gifundo build up in the doorway.

Milly face palmed. "Freaking dumb asses,"

**:Outside with Athrun and Meyrin:**

Out back on the deck, we can hear random burst of giggles from a certain blue haired teen and his redhead companion, coughAthrunandMeyrincough. They obviously were feeling the happiness of smoking pot, things like that can do that to you.

Every once in a while, they would hear digging…and then panting; kind of like a dog. That was why their laughter would stop. Every time they heard the dig pant dig pant dig pant, you get the picture, they would stop laughing and look around. When it went away they would just start laughing again. At what, I'm not so sure of myself.

"Who the feck is out there digging a friggin hole at 4:00 in the morning?" Athrun turned to Meyrin, a bewildered expression on his face.

"Let's go find out," She grabbed Athrun's arm and dragged him in the general direction of the noise.

Too bad Athrun missed the step off the deck into the yard and fell, but Meyrin just kept on walking, not really noticing, or caring that she was dragging Athrun with her. A few seconds later, they heard the noise again, and Meyrin threw the two of them into a bush. They watched as the 'thing' dug around in the ground. Athrun then realized something that would have made the 'thing' angry enough to shove its foot straight up Athrun's ass for seeing it doing something this degraded, if not for being totally fucked up.

"That think is gonna bury the body of the person it killed, come over here and kill us, and then make sure that there was no evidence that we were ever even here!" Meyrin exclaimed, nearing tears.

"…You watch waaay too many horror movies, Meyrin,"

"I know, but it felt like a nice chilling effect…hey, isn't that Cagalli?"

"So I'm not the only one that though it looked like Cagalli!" Athrun jumped out of the bush, and went all James bond on Cagalli's ass.

"FREEZE!"

Cagalli stood up abruptly. "Who are you?"

"The name's Zala, Athrun Zala," He did a crazy little hair flip once he was finished talking.

"Ugh, jesus Zala, you scared the shit put of me,"

"Meyrin, you can come out now, it really was Cagalli,"

Meyrin popped her head out of the bushes. "Isn't that more of a reason to stay hidden?" She asked, remembering the whole reason they had to tie Cagalli and her sister together, just to keep her and Athrun from getting brutally murdered.

"Nah, she's so drunk to remember that she tried to kill you earlier,"

"Oh…ok then," Meyrin casually made her way out from behind the bush.

"So, Cagalli, what exactly _are_ you digging for out here," Athrun asked.

Cagalli pointed to inside the whole she dug. Athrun slowly looked in, and then gasped.

**:In the kitchen with the ravenous animals:**

Everyone was eating merrily, everything in the kitchen, even down to the wax fruit sitting innocently on the table, well, innocently until Yzak decided that it was guilty of some unforgivable crime, that is, when they suddenly heard something that sounded like Athrun screaming.

"EVERYONE GET YOUR ASSES OUT HERE! CAGALLI FOUND SOMETHING SPECIAL!"

At that point they were all racing out to the backyard in record time.

**:Backyard, 4:13 A.M:**

"Pardon my French but, THE FUCK!" Kira yelled in giddy happiness at the sight that he beheld.

Everyone one then had a thought and turned to Murrue.

"What, I buried it there in case of emergency. I had no idea that Cagalli would sniff it out and dig it up," She shrugged her shoulders as if it was the most casual thing in the world to bury things that i can not mention in Miriallai's back yard.

"You are completely out of your mind...but that's why I love you," Mu stared in amazement.

"Well, what the hell are we waiting for, let's do this shit!" Talia yelled enthusiastically. Before they could dig in, however, they heard car doors slamming and a loud commotion coming from the front yard.

It didn't take long for them to realize that these people knew them.

"The cavalry has arrived!" A familiar voice yelled.

"Heeeeell yeah!" Another familiar voice.

"Ya'll ready for this?" They all knew those voices.

"Oh…my…fucking…god," Murrue's jaw dropped as well as the rest of their jaws.

It was none other than Tolle, Flay, and Natarle Badgiruel. Wtf!

"N-N-Natarle, T-Tolle, FLAY!"

"What?" Natarle questioned.

"You all look like you've just seen a ghost, sheesh," Tolle commented.

"Come on guys, we got a party to start!" Flay exclaimed wildly and skipped after Tolle and Natarle.

Murrue's jaw was still hanging wide open until Mu walked over and pushed it shut. She pinched herself on the arm rather hard and began chanting.

"It's all just a dream, it's all just a dream. I'm gonna wake up tomorow morning, and everything will be back to normal,"

Mu just stood idly by watching her. She was in denial...that wasa bad thing.

"Just when you think the night can't get any crazier...people come back from the dead," Mu sighed and shook his head in disbelief and then grabbed Murrue by the waist and pulled her along over to where the others were.

* * *

The next chapter sould be...enlightening O.o 


	11. I'm Too Sexy

:Alrighty, to start this off, I bounced up the rating to M. Thought it appropriate and since a few reviewers suggested it, I did. Thanks to all who put me in my place xD Anyway, this chapter will take place _after_ the usage of drugs. Can't get any higher than rated M, so everyone's gonna lay low on their addictions ;)

* * *

So after some major drug abuse, the gang found themselves on the deck. Surprisingly, no one was dead yet, unconscious, yes, dead, no. Actually, they were far from unconscious. More than half of them were still bouncing off the walls like jack rabbits. Athrun was dancing on the table singing "I'm too sexy," Kira successfully performed his "Quick, everyone jump out a window!" trick, Cagalli was throwing various things at Athrun to get him to shut up because the neighbors by now had all of their windows open yelling "I HOPE YOU ALL DIE!" while spraying them with the hose occasionally.

Lacus had managed to pull her face out of the table and made her way outside only to turn right around and stick her head right back the table because of what she was forced to see. Mu was swaying back and forth on the railing to the deck until he went too far and fell off backwards. Murrue saw this happen and was now on the ground laughing hysterically at him. Gilbert went after Talia who decided that climbing the tree in the backyard was in her best interest, she was now swinging from a branch throwing apples at the neighbors.

Flay, Natarle and Tolle were all playing tag, and they were all it. Don't ask me how that works, because I don't really know myself. They'd chase each other around, and then when they got too close, run away in the other direction. Not a very productive game if you ask me. It was definitely a tag game from hell, and everyone was losing. Yzak and Dearka passed out somewhere back by Cagalli's hole and Milly set out to find them. She came back and hour later. When they asked her where Yzak and Dearka she looked at them like they were insane.

"Yzak and Dearka, who the hell are they?"

They just let the subject rest after that.

While all of this was happening, our good friends Shinn and Luna managed to tip the chair over and cut the rope so they could get changed and find the rest of the party. The first thing they saw was Lacus minus her head. They just shrugged it off and made their way outside. The next thing they laid eyes on was a giant hole in the patio door window and Kira sleeping in a pile of glass after his Jackie Chan move out the window. They then saw Mu on the ground not too far from him apparently knocked out from his fall. Murrue was still rolling on the floor laughing, tears now streaming down her face from laughing too hard. Talia was losing her grip on the tree branch and Gilbert was running back and forth trying to catch her when she fell. They stood and watched for a few more seconds.

"I'll catch you, Talia, don't worry!"

She then slipped off. He caught her but then lost his footing and they both landed on the ground with a loud Oomph! That was it for them for the rest of the night. Not too far away, the tag game from hell was still running on full power. Of course it was still getting nowhere fast, but hey, anything can entertain a bunch of drunken people. They then heard yelling from across the yard. Milly had gotten out her own hose and was now screaming at the neighbors and squirting them back with twice as much power.

"You all can take that and shove it!" She squirt straight through their kitchen window. Next thing you know she was on top of the fence dividing their lawns squirting in every open window in the house.

"You little bitch, you're flooding our goddamn house!"

"Well than why don't you do something about it! Do it do it do it! You won't, you won't!" Milly screamed back.

They will.

They squirt her square in the face. She then fell off the fence and back into her yard. It was over after that. Neighbors, 1, Miriallia, Zip. Back on the deck, Athrun had become too sexy for his shoes, socks, pants, and shirt, and was now dancing on the table in his boxers. Cagalli had given up on stopping him a while ago and was dancing along with him in her underwear. Meyrin was nearby dancing and singing "Livin La Vida Loca" until she tripped over a laughing Murrue and somehow managed to fall over the railing to the deck and land right on top of Mu. She decided to stay down after that one. Shinn and Luna looked around, but saw no traces of Dearka and Yzak. Maybe that was a good thing? Like, a sign from god? Well, whatever the case, they were gone, and that's not an entirely bad thing. Rey, well, Rey, where is lil 'ol Rey? Rey was back by the drug pile singing "On Top of Old Smokey" Extremely loud. They could've sworn they heard the neighbors firing up the chainsaw in the backyard, but, it could've just been their imaginations.

Shinn and Luna looked at each other in disbelief, and then at the same time, turned around slowly and made their way back into the kitchen. No point in getting involved in that mess.

"What they hell kind of alcohol were they drinking out here?" Shinn asked Luna as they sat down on two bar stools.

"I have no idea, but I wonder if there's anymore left?"

"Let's go raid that secret back Murrue brought in!" Shinn suggested.

"YES!" They both ran into the living room and grabbed the bag.

The ruckus they made getting the bag caught Lacus's attention and she pulled her head from the table.

"Whatcha doin?"

"Drinkin, care to join us?" Shinn asked while handing her a cup filled with something clear.

"Sure, what is it?" She asked before she took a nice long chug.

"Rum, it's pretty expensive looking," Shinn then chugged the whole cup he had in his hand.

"Nah, Murrue had this shit imported illegally, she didn't pay a dime for it," Luna reassured while she just picked up the whole damn bottle and chugged it.

Lacus then held up her cup as if to make a toast. Shinn filled his glass back up and Luna readied the bottle.

"Here's to getting drunk with your friends at Milly's house,"

"Here's to watching people get their faces smashed through coffee tables," Shinn added.

"Here's to…being a flaming alcoholic," Luna finished as they all clinked glasses. After that, there was no stopping them.

**:20 minutes later:**

Luna, Shinn, and Lacus all tip toed into the kitchen giggling like the little girls they were. They grabbed as many pots and pans as they possibly could and made their way on to the deck. You could tell they were about to do something drastic.

"Alright, on the count of three we go," Shinn directed.

"One," He whispered.

"Two," That was Lacus.

"THREE!" Luna exclaimed in a whisper.

All at once they banged their pots and pans together making a horrid banging noise erupt through the silence of the backyard. Everyone and I mean everyone, jumped up in surprise and turned to the source for the noise. They all looked like they were ready to beat the living shit out of the three responsible for the ungodly sound, when Shinn quickly spoke up to voice his brilliant idea.

"I challenge every single one of you, to an extreme game of…man hunt!"

They all looked at Shinn, blinked, then looked at each other, and then back at Shinn. They then all got the same devious look to their faces, and Murrue voiced the groups answer.

"You're on!"

Oh, this should be fun.

* * *

:Fun it will be! xD Sorry for the slight delay in updating. I'd blame the websiteand its little problem, but that wouldn't be entirely fair ;) 


	12. Do You Happen To Have a Gun on You?

:Man hunt time xD

* * *

There they all were, standing in the front yard like the bunch if idiots they are, ready to play a game of manhunt.

"Alright, does everyone know the object of this game?" Shinn asked the group, seemingly he one with the most sense.

"Don't get your ass caught?" Dearka suggested.

"Stole the words right out of my mouth," Shinn smiled. "Alright, let's get started. One hunter will be chosen. Everyone has 2 minutes to find a hiding spot. Here's a nice hint, don't hide in a big group; that might possibly be the stupidest things you could do. The boundaries…well…screw boundaries. If you find yourself running for longer than 15 minutes, just turn around and run the other way,"

"Ok, so how do we pick the first hunter?" Murrue asked.

"Well, I guess we could…RACE!"

"Race?" The group questioned.

"Like this?" Dearka asked, referring to their drunken state.

"Ok, bad idea," Shinn deflated at that thought.

"I'll be the hunter!" Luna exclaimed.

"…Alrighty, sounds good. Any complaints?" Shinn asked.

"Nope, not at all, nah," He received various answers from the "bunch of idiots" as he officially liked to call them as of right now.

"Ok, now remember, no running by any cliffs drop offs or neighbors with mean dogs…and hoses. And the first and most important tip of all in this situation!

--Top 10 places NOT to have sex

Location number 3:

**In the street**

They all gave him a strange look.

"Uhm, do you need a napkin…because, there's bullshit coming out of your mouth…" Dearka stated slowly, not really liking the number one rule of man hunt.

Shinn face palmed. "Go ahead, you can say that, and you can all look at me like I just told you get naked and streak down the street, see if I give a damn," Their incredulous looks turned to glares. He needed to cover himself, and fast.

"Now I understand that 75 percent of you people had a good reason to look at me the way you did, but as for the other 15 percent…" A quick glance at Mu and Murrue and a few others, "Needed to hear that,"

"Watch it kid, or I'll sic Murrue, Cagalli, _and_ Luna on you," Mu stated, making Shinn shiver.

"Alright, can we quit being so damn serious and get this thing started? I'm bored!" Tolle whined from behind everyone.

"Alright, alright already, on the count of three we go. One…Two—" Shinn was then abruptly cut off by an impatient Cagalli…surprise, surprise.

"123 go!" Cagalli spat out quickly and they all booked down the street in opposite directions, leaving a confused Shinn and a sneering Luna.

"You better run that little white ass away, or you'll be the first I catch," She then blinked. Shinn was gone before she even finished her sentence.

"Shit, I didn't think he could run that fast," She shrugged and moved along.

In the bushes in the neighbor's yard that was attacking them with the hose, we find Mu and Murrue.

"Stop moving around Mu, and PUT ON YOUR PANTS!" She whispered loudly.

"What! Shinn never said anything about doing it in the bushes!" Mu retorted back just as loudly.

"Well, then I'll have him put it on the list once this is over!" She then heard footsteps of some of the others running by.

"There's a list?" Mu spoke, but was quickly silenced when Murrue clamped a hand over his mouth.

"Save it!" She waited until the footsteps stopped. "No use in getting found out in case one of them gets caught,"

:With Dearka and Milly:

"Dearka, I don't think this is such a good hiding place, it's too small," Milly and Dearka were currently hiding in one of the neighbors toy houses for their kids. It barely fit two toddlers let alone two adults.

"Well, it was either in here or the garbage cans, I assumed you would appreciate the toy house more,"

Milly was silent. She wondered where his mind was half of the time. "Dearka…ugh," She shook her head in disappointment.

"What!"

"You're an idiot,"

"…I try,"

:Athrun and Cagalli:

"Of all the places Zala, of all the frigging places we could've hid, it was a goddam tree!"

"Well where were you expecting to hide?" He shot back.

"Well definitely not hanging upside down from a tree!" It was true; the two were hanging upside down from the highest tree in the neighborhood. Why were they upside down? Because they're two drunk idiots who though that climbing all the way to the tippy top of a tree would help, we'll soon learn why that's not such a good idea.

:Kira and Lacus:

He had brains. Out of all the people in the "group of idiots" He had brains. He back tracked straight into the house and right into the living room to pull Lacus out of the coffee table.

"Oooh Lacus, wake up!" Kira shook her slightly to wake her up.

"Lacus?" He shook her a little harder.

"Laaaacus?" A little harder.

"Lacus!" A little harder.

A deep intake of air.

"YOU DUMB BITCH, WAKE THE FUCK UP!" He gave her a nice slap in the face.

She woke up and immediately thought that he was a burglar. She smacked him right back, leaving a bright read hand print on his cheek.

Kira's automatic response was to slap her back, and so he did.

"Lacus then returned the hit again, thus causing their little "moment" to break out into a full force bitch slap war. Wonderful.

After a good 5 minutes of pwning each other, they realized what was going on.

"KIRA!" Lacus got a good look at his face finally.

"LACUS! Oh, wait, I already knew it was you…hehe,"

He then got a swift punch in the face, rendering him unconscious…with _his_ face smashed through the coffee table this time…instead of Lacus. Ouch.

:Gilbert, Talia, Meyrin, Rey, and Shinn:

"Wasn't the whole pint of this game _not_ to hide in a big group?" Gilbert asked after doing a head count.

Shinn and the others looked at him.

"Yeah…and?" Talia questioned him.

"Yeah, where's the big group?" Meyrin asked.

"…We _are_ the big group,"

Rey did his own head count. "We are NOT! There's only…" They counted on his fingers. "Two of us," He said two, but he help up 5 fingers. Idiot.

Gilbert face palmed. "Let's…just…find a hiding spot," Before he could look however, Talia yelled.

"I found one!" She was pointing in the direction of an abandoned house; it was a creepy looking one too.

"Oh hell no! There's no way I'm hiding in there!" Rey yelled.

"Relax Rey-Rey, no need to wet your pants over it," Gilbert mocked with the pet name he made up for him.

"Yeah Rey-Rey," Talia sneered from off to the side, laughing under her breath.

Rey shut up and sulked the whole rest of the way there.

They got to the front door and it was busted in.

"It looks like someone already beat us too it. Yeah well, looks like we have to go, come on guys!" Talia went to walk away when Gilbert grabbed her arm.

"Oh, come on Taly-Waly, you're not scared too, are you?" He smiled devishly/

"N-N-No…j-j-just, don't wanna get us c-c-caught…t-t-th-that's all,"

"Admit it, you're scared!" Shinn mocked in pure pleasure.

"I am not!"

"You are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"Am not!"

"Are too!"

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Gilbert hollered.

"Let's go in there," Gilbert led the way

Talia was the last next to Rey to go in.

"Come on Taly-Waly, let's go,"

"Shut up Rey!" She punched him in the arm and stormed on ahead of him.

"Ouch!"

Rey followed her in, shutting the door behind him.

Silence.

More silence…until…

"AHHH!" A scream could be heard through the beat up door.

"Haha, I scred you!" Shinn laughed as Talia nearly had a heart attack.

"You did not!"

"I did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"Did not!"

"Did too!"

"DID NOT!"

"DID TOO!"

"ENOUGH!" Gilbert roared.

Talia and Shinn then began giggling like little girls.

"Hey Meyrin?"

"Yeah, Gilly?"

"Do you still…what did you just call me?"

"Nothing,"

A suspicious look from Gilbert.

"…Anyway…do you happen to have a gun on you?"

"No…why?"

"Because I'm gonna kill myself tonight…before these idiots do,"

* * *

Well, that was longer than I thought. Manhunt will be starting in the next chapter…for real this time. I also bumped the rating back down and revised chapter 10, please just go read it over if you want to, it didn't change anything around, just more…appropriate xD There was a lack of reviewers, I'm not mad, just making sure I didn't offend anyone, so that's mainly why I revised it. The other half was because I wasn't really liking the way it played out…so…there you have it ;) By the way, more Sex Tips coming your way next chapter. Booya! 


	13. Why NOT to Hide in a Tree

**Alright, so how about we get this game of man hunt started? On another note, this story is going to calm down with the coughdrugabusecough. I lost a reader the there day, and I didn't take it lightly. I felt really bad about it, so, ever if this readers not going to come back, I still made a promise to this person that it won't be of the charts crazy anymore. It doesn't matter if this person comes back to read or not, I made a promise, and I'm keeping my word. **

**

* * *

In Milly's Driveway**

In Yzak's car, 5 people hid. Was it way to small for that many people? Yes. Was hiding in there a bad idea? Just maybe. So anyway, here we are with Yzak, Shiho, Natarle, Flay, and Tolle, all crammed in a tiny Dodge Neon.

"Hey Yzak," Shiho said in a low growling voice.

"Yeah?"

"Get your foot OUT of my shirt PLEASE!"

"Woopsies," He kindly removed his foot.

"Tolle, did the thought that you're sitting on me cross your mind at all since we got in here?" Flay asked dangerously.

"…Uhm, no not really,"

"Well then…MOVE!" Flay shoved Tolle into the door causing his face to get smashed into the window.

While everyone else was having such a hard time with each other and the space problem, Natarle sat happily in the passengers seat with her feet up on the dashboard 'looking out' for Luna. For a slip second she though she caught a glimpse of maroon colored hair out of the corner of her eye, but dismissed it. Five minutes later, and she saw it again, and it was Luna.

"Quick, everyone get down, Luna's coming!" She yelled in a whisper and flew over the passenger seat and into the back seat.

Everyone stopped their bickering and hid under the seats. They were eerily silent as Luna walked by, inspecting the inside of the car. She couldn't see the 5 of them under the seats due to the darkness of the night, otherwise, they'd be beat. She shrugged and moved on to check the other cars, and then was off in another direction. After 5 more minutes of waiting, they all popped their head out from under the seats.

"Well, that went over well," Yzak stated happily, to happy for him.

"Yeah…it did," Natarle agreed.

He then looked over to Shiho. "So…you wanna do it?"

She smiled slyly and tackled him into the back seat.

--Top three things to say before having sex:

Number 2:

"**Rock my world," **

Flay, Natarle, and Tolle all crammed into the front seat of the car. They could've just left, but, you know…well no you don't. The point here is, that they should've left, but being as intoxicated as them…they couldn't. So now they get to hear Yzak and Shiho in the back of their car. Woo hoo.

**Cagalli and Athrun**

"Hey, Athrun?" Cagalli questioned as she swayed in the breeze from her tree branch.

The two finally decided to stop hanging up side down and sit on the branch instead. Athrun then told her that he just wanted to see how long she would stay like that. That earned him a nice red mark on his cheek, and a near death experience of almost falling out of the tree.

"Yes, Cagalli?"

"Do you hear that cracking noise?"

"What cracking noise?"

All of the sudden, the tree branched cracked and bounced down a good two feet, causing the two to nearly fall out of the tree.

"Okay! I'm out of here!" Cagalli made to crawl down from the tree branch, but then realized that she was about 12 feet off the ground.

"How the hell did we get up here?"

"Uhm, well, I'm, still trying to figure that one out myself," She whacked him over the head.

"Well, put it this way, at least the branch didn't break," He smiled innocently.

"Athrun, I am going to—" She got no further.

The tree branch finally snapped, and with a lot of screaming, the two went down through the tree. Cagalli dropped like a stone, straight to the ground, landing right on her ass. Athrun, on the other hand, hit every single branch possible until he finally landed right on top of Cagalli. Cagalli would've had a temper tantrum, but she couldn't move, let alone feel her body right now, so that would have to wait.

Unbeknownst to them, Luna heard the ruckus and was now running over their full speed. She got there and saw the two sitting there. She approached quietly, and when she finally got close enough, she tagged Cagalli and smiled triumphantly.

"Gotcha!" And she was skipping off to go hide.

Cagalli gave her almighty growl and before Athrun could react, starting kicked her legs furiously, knocking him off.

"ZALA!"

**Milly and Dearka**

"Dearka, I need to get out of here,"

"We can't what if Luna's around, we're not too far away from where we started yet,"

"Ugh,"

Dearka then heard a noise. He held a hand over Milly's mouth and looked through one of the holes in the toy house they were squatting in.

"What is it?" She asked, voice muffled by his hand.

"The neighbors just let their dog out,"

She gasped. "What kind of dog is it?"

He looked harder through the hole. "I don't know, I can't see,"

"Here, let me look," She pushed him over after getting his hand off of her face.

He then stuck his face next to hers. They were looking all around, and then, when their eyes fell back in front of them, they both jumped backwards faster then either of them thought possible.

"It's a r-r-rottweiler," Milly stuttered in fear.

"Oh man,"

"Now what dumb ass, you got us into this mess, so now you're getting us out!"

Dearka looked around thinking of a way to get out. His eyes then fell upon the open roof to the toy house.

"Ok, on the count of three, we both jump out from the roof of this thing and hop the fence into your yard,"

"Wh-what, are you insane!" she stopped and thought. "Don't answer that,"

He sniggered. "Alright, you ready?"

"No,"

The dog then started growling and trying to dig its way in, nudging the house with his nose.

"Ok, yeah, let's get the hell outta here!"

"OK, one…two…" He grabbed her hand. "THREE!" He leapt out of the top with Milly in tow and then both ran, the dog immediately following.

They ran the large distance form the house to the fence, and when they got there, they both jumped at the same time. Before they could get their legs over however, the dog grabbed either one of their feet and began to shake furiously. Dearka kicked the damn thing off.

"Get outta here you piece of shit"

He kicked the dog off for both of them, and then they jumped over the fence…one problem…Milly has a pool. Too bad they didn't remember that until they were swimming in it. They both flew over the fence...and landed straight into Milly's in-ground pool. When they both came up for air, Milly had a few things to say to Dearka.

"Dearka, you idiot! How can you be so stupid!" She splashed him into the face angrily.

"Hey, let's jump over the fence, forget the fact that there's a pool there!" Milly mocked as she swam over to the edge of the pool.

"I HOPE YOU DIE!" She stomped away to get into dryer clothes.

"SHUT UP!" The neighbors then decided to yell from over the other fence.

"FUCK YOU!" Milly gave them the finger as Dearka whistled.

This was going to be a longer game of Man Hunt then he thought.

**

* * *

The next chapter, we will hear from Mu, Murrue, Gilbert, Talia, Rey, and Shinn. Also, I might just decide to pick on the idiots in Yzak's car, Kira might decide to come back to consciousness, and we'll see what Milly has planned for Dearka. On another note, 4 new Sex Tips! Chapter 14 will be up tomorrow!**


	14. OOPS, The Condom Broke! My Bad!

**Sorry this took so long, guys. It's been busy around here. End of the school year, last minute stuff for final grades…and final exams…greaat. Anyway, here's chapter 14, woot!**

**

* * *

:Haunted House 3:35 A.M: **

"Well Gilbert, you've managed to get us lost in an old abandoned house, scare the shit out of Rey and get US tied to a chair!" Talia yelled and started kicking in frustration.

It was true; they were now tied to a chair, back to back. Here's how this came about. Talia stepped on a rotting floorboard and got her foot stuck. Gilbert reached down to help her out and "accidentally" grabbed her ass. This caused her to kick him in the groin and thus he dropped like a stone to the floor. Well, that was a bad idea. The whole area that the group was standing on caved in resulting in a dog pile on the floor below them. The group didn't appreciate this.

Since Shinn was still sore cuz he and Luna got tied to a chair, he decided to go find a rope and a chair. Seeing that Meyrin was the professional in the room, she tied the two near the front door, that way, when the person hunting them came in; they'd be the first to get caught.

"Hey, this is NOT my fault. You're the one who stepped on the moldy floor board," Gilbert shot back.

"Hmph," Talia pouted.

"How about instead of feeling sorry for yourself you help me find something sharp to get us untied," He suggested.

Talia rolled her eyes and made a funny face, because he couldn't see, and it's fun to mess around with him when he's drunk.

"Hold on while I pull a flash light out of my ass, because right now I can't see shit,"

"Pft, well you're a great coordinator. Enhanced eye sight and you can't even see your own hand in front of your face,"

"Can you see anything Mr. "Hello my Name is Gilbert and I have a stick permanently shoved up my ass,"?"

"Yes I can see! There's a broken piece of glass sitting on the floor right in front of me Ms. "Hi my name is Talia and I can't see anything because I'm too drunk,"

"Well then Mr. smart guy, why don't you get your damn piece of glass and get us outta here so we can go kick those kids asses!"

"I would if you would stop distracting me with your voice!"

"Oh please, how hard can it be to reach over and grab a piece of glass off of the floor?"

"Pretty hard when you're trying to drag Talia Gladys along with you!"

"Are you calling me fat?" Talia then started to cry.

"N-no, that's not what I meant! I'm just saying that by talking you're not helping me move the chair over so I can reach!" Gilbert explained frantically.

"Really?" She sniffed.

"Uh huh,"

"Okay,"

While the two of them tried to get over to the glass, someone came in the front door very quietly, and they didn't notice. Gilbert almost had the glass when they heard a creaking noise. Talia grabbed Gilbert's wrist.

"What was that?" She asked in a whisper.

"I don't know," He looked around and then gasped when he saw a shadow.

"Talia, look!"

"OMG WTF!"

The figure moved closer. Gilbert and Talia nudged the chair closer to the glass. He tried to reach, but accidentally kicked it further away. The figure was closing in on them. Talia and Gilbert stopped moving and looked up in terror. The person finally got close enough to see their face it was none other than…SAMARA FROM THE RING! No, just kidding.

"IT'S LUNAMARIA!"

"AHHHHHH!"

**:Idiots in Yzak's Car:**

"You guys wanna play a game?" Tolle asked lamely.

"Like what, make bets on how long those two are gonna go at it?" Natarle snapped back hotly.

"I guess that's a no,"

They were engulfed in silence again.

"Mary had a little lamb, little lamb, little lamb, Mary had a little lamb its fleece as white as snow,"

"What the hell are you singing?" Natarle looked over to Tolle with her eyes wide.

"Well, if you ding little things like that, it makes the situation seem that much more innocent.

Natarle and Flay face palmed.

"Why don't we just leave?" Flay asked.

"Because this is the best hiding spot ever and we shouldn't have to give it up because Bonnie and Clyde wanted an intimate moment back there," Tolled answered boredly, seemingly having given up his singing career.

"True that, true that,"

Just then, Romeo and Juliet flopped into the driver's seat. Tolle, Flay, and Natarle didn't really appreciate that one.

'What the fuck are you doing!"

Yzak and Shiho looked up just now remembering that they weren't alone.

"AHHHH!"

"AHHHH!"

Now it was an ultimate scream fest. Awesome.

During this time, someone's foot managed to shift the car out of 'park' and change it to 'reverse.' Then someone else's foot hit the gas…oh boy.

--Top 10 places NOT to have sex

Location number two:

**In a car…WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING!**

They just broke one of the rules. Shame on them. The car jerked backwards out of the driveway, causing everyone to fly forward into the windshield. Whoever had their foot on the petal, coughYzakcough, didn't have enough brains to take it off until the car was zooming down the grassy hill in front of Milly's house.

"I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Tolle scream and was then silenced by Natarle whacking him the head.

"Alright, Tolle, here's a game for you. What word has four letters and begins with a B?"

"Uhm…beat?"

"Yes!"

"And…?"

"THAT'S WHAT WE ARE!"

**:Mu and Murrue:**

"Hey, Murrue, can we get out of this bush now, it's really starting to itch,"

She looked over at him with a weird look on her face.

"Mu, this bush isn't itchy. As a matter of fact, we're not even touch the bush,"

"What do you mean we're not touching the bush?" He asked while scratching at his arms and legs,"

"It's like a frigging umbrella; it's totally hollowed out in here!"

"Well apparently not!"

She then looked down to see what exactly was itching him. She saw the said problem.

"Uhm, Mu…I know why you think the bush is itching you…"

"Really, why?" He kept scratching at himself without a second thought.

"Because, you're not sitting in the bush,"

"Huh?" He didn't get it.

"You're sitting in poison ivy…"

He looked down at himself, and then back up at Murrue. Then he did a double take.

"AHHHHHH!" He jumped out of the bush and started dancing around outside like an idiot.

Murrue then burst out laughing.

**:Kira and Lacus:**

Lacus was sitting happily on the couch reading a magazine, with the TV on and eating chips when she heard groaning coming from the coffee table. No, the coffee table wasn't groaning. It was none other then our favorite hero, Kira.

"Holy crap, what happened to me?" He asked to no one in particular.

"I beat the living hell outta you, that's what," Lacus chirped merrily, throwing aside her magazine.

"Woah, where'd you come from!" Kira was having a brain lapse, but, you couldn't blame him, he just had his face shoved through a coffee table, so it was understandable.

"I've been here the whole time, remember?"

"Oh, yeah; man, I didn't think you could hit that frigging hard!"

"You don't know a lot of things about me," She said mischievously.

Kira then had a thought.

--Top 10 places to have sex

Location number four:

**On a comfy couch with the TV on**

Well, they followed that rule nicely when he tackled Lacus to the couch. Oh great, here goes the porno again. Let's see who ruins the moment first. Lacus was enjoying herself with Kira on top of her, but, right then and there a thought hit her.

"Kira, did you forget to wrap it again?"

A pause.

"Dammit to hell!"

he got up and trudged off to the bathroom, throwing off articles of clothing along the way. He came back out five minutes later to see Lacus on the couch…with no clothes on. It kind of reminded him of Titanic, where Rose took off her clothes so Jack could…you get the point…anyway. Once he was settled back on the couch he was about to go after Lacus again…but, by now you know things never go according to plan with these guys…go figure.

--Top three thing NOT to say before having sex

Number one:

"**Are you sure it's on there?"**

Kira could've died, and he wanted to.

"Lacus, if you open you're mouth one more time, I'm going to kill myself tonight,"

Lacus then immediately closed her mouth.

**:Ten Minutes later: **

As the author of this fanficiton, I now dub Miriallia's couch, "The Couch of Sex," First Mu and Murrue, and now Kira and Lacus, let's see how many more go nuts before the end of the night. The night is still young, after all. But, of course, all happy moment have an end, and this ones about to end and get real ugly. You'll soon realize that "Couch of Sex" and "Couch of Death" aren't very different from each other.

--Top three things NOT to say after having sex

Number two:

"**OOPS, the condom broke! My bad!"**

"KIRA!" Lacus threw him off of her like she was the Incredible Hulk…except pink.

"Jay kay, jay kay!" He backed away in fear with his hands up.

And back through the coffee table he goes.

Disowned.

**

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And the Sex Tips return! Hehe, sorry about the lack of Milly and Dearka, and Cagalli and Athrun. It's just so much dialogue and a lot of writing, but, you all have my word that they'll be in the next chapter…if not, you all have the permission to glomp me with your weapon of choice xD **


	15. Well Someone Got A Mega Beat Down

**Here I am, back with more Sex Tips. I'm sorry again that this took so long, but now school's over along with finals. So now there will be a lot more updates coming from me!**

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:Athrun and Cagalli:**

"Zala, you have 10 seconds to get out of my sight or I'm gonna kill you!"

Athrun looked shit scared as he backed away from a fuming Cagalli. One thing he learned about her in the months that he's known her is, when she'd mad…run. He wasted no time in doing just that. He was off the ground and down the street in record time. Cagalli laughed as she saw him run.

"Man, I love scaring that guy," She then walked off in the opposite direction. She stopped after a few steps and turned around.

"I'M STILL GONNA COME AFTER YOU, ATHRUN, SO WATCH YOUR MOFO BACK!" She yelled down the street, and she could easily picture him flinching in fear.

"Idiot,"

**:Milly and Dearka: **

Dearka followed Milly soon after she stormed off towards the house. He walked in through the patio door carefully, as if foreseeing that she was going to throw something at him the second he got in there. But, to his surprise, no one was waiting for him read to tackle-glomp him through the patio door like a quarterback. But there were people in the living room; he could just barely make out someone's shadow.

Walking in carefully, he stopped and looked around the corner. The shadow belonged to Milly, and she was standing there staring. He decided to then make his move and came up behind her.

"Hey, Milly?" She jumped at his voice.

He flinched and flailed his arms about. "Don't bug out, I just wanna know what's going on!"

He thought he'd have a fist in his face, but when he looked up he noticed she hadn't moved and inch. He slowly walked over and followed her gaze. He then had to bite his lip and contain his laughter. Kira had his face through the coffee table just like Lacus did when they went outside.

He couldn't take it anymore, he just bursted out laughing.

"Well someone got a mega beat down!"

He received a glare from Lacus, and his face went pale, and he stopped laughing immediately.

"I'm sorry, I didn't do anything, don't shit your pants!"

"So, why is his head through the table again?" Milly finally asked.

"Because he was being stupid," Lacus promptly answered.

"Okay…that solves that," Dearka answered, ready to walk away.

Milly then remembered why she had to come into the house to begin with.

"Well, I'm off to change since Superman over here decided to go for a little fly into the pool with me," She began walking towards the stairs.

"Hey, it was either go for a swim or get disowned by that rot wilier!"

"Ah, quit your 'bitchin," Milly said as she walked past him and up the stairs to her room.

"Make me!" He yelled up to her.

Milly then promptly turned around, raced down the stairs and kicked him. Where? Take a wild guess. Dearka fell over on the floor next to her and she quickly walked away.

"Owie,"

**:Meyrin, Rey, and Shinn: **

"Hey guys, don't you think that we should go up and make sure their ok, I mean, they were screaming just a few minutes ago," Meyrin look back at the two in question.

"Nah, their fine, Gilbert probably saw a rat and got scared," Rey joked laughing.

"Oh, Rey, save me, there's a rat over there, ahhh!" Shinn mocked Gilberts presumed reaction to a mouse on the floor, grabbing onto his arm.

"Yeah, and you know what Talia would've done?" Rey asked, laughing and playing along.

"What?"

Rey kneed Shinn between the legs and he fell over. "That,"

"Yeah…you're right," Shinn gasped.

"Would you two knock it the hell off, if Luna comes in here she's gonna hear us,"

"Chea, like she's gonna come in here, she'd be too scared," Rey leered.

"Yeah you mean kind of like you. Please, Rey, you almost pissed your pants when Gilbert wanted to come in here," She laughed.

"Did not!"

"Ah, shut up,"

"No you shut up!"

"No, YOU shut up!"

"Shh, both of you shut up I hear something!" Shinn quieted them both.

They all piled up against the basement door to listen.

**:Gilbert, Talia, and Luna: **

"Oh my god we're beat!" Gilbert and Talia both tried to hop away on their chair while Luna started walking closer.

"Please, I'll do anything, ANYTHING!" Talia pleaded. "Take him instead!"

"Hey!" Gilbert protested.

"Every man for himself," Talia shrugged.

They both kept hopping away from Luna as she slowly approached them, getting ready to corner them. Suddenly, Talia's cell phone fell out of her pocked from all the hopping away they were doing. She couldn't reach down to pick it up because her hands were tied, so she just stared at it.

Being the nice person she was, Luna went to pick it up for her and give it to Talia.

"Hey, thanks a lot,"

"No problem," Luna smiled.

Talia then noticed how close she was to being tagged. She look up at Luna who was smiling.

"AHHH!" She jumped up and managed to get her wrists free. She backed up into the table and realized that she was cornered.

Gilbert stood up and attached himself to Talia and they both kept trying to back up even further into the table.

"Talia, if I don't make it outta here, I LOVE YOU!"

"You're an idiot, but I love you too!"

Luna was closing in, only a few more inches. She's reaching out and now she's…laughing?

"Huh?" Talia and Gilbert looked at each other in confusion.

"I'm just psyching you guys out, Cagalli's the hunter now," She continued to laugh.

Gilbert looked at Talia. "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Give her a beat down?"

"Hell yeah," The two of them looked at Luna angrily.

"Uhm…hey guys, you don't wanna do that," She tried as they stepped forward and she took a step back.

"NO, you REALLY don't wanna do that,"

Another step.

"And why exactly don't we want to do that?" Talia asked coolly.

"Because you just don't," She held up her arms in defense.

"That's not good enough," And the two started to run after her.

They were just about to grab Luna when the floor suddenly cracked. They both fell trough the floor again. Once the crashing stopped, Luna looked into the hole. They landed right next to Shinn, Meyrin, and Rey. Gilbert looked up at Shinn.

"SHINN!"

And Shinn started to laugh. So Gilbert kicked him.

"Ooh…that's gonna leave a mark," Luna said from above.

Suddenly, the floor beneath her feet gave way and she fell through as well, landing right on top of her sister.

"Ouch,"

"GET OFF!"

"My bad,"

**

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Hehe, well I hope that was good enough, I though it could've been better, but hey, it doesn't matter what I think, it's about what you all think xD**


End file.
